How To-Do Lists Can Develop a Dark Side

*This post is from my personal archives, originally written February, 2016, when I started to realize I needed a change.

I make checklists for everything. Early mornings come with a scribbling of To-Dos, neatly prioritized by level of importance. I even draw little boxes next to each item, because I love the satisfaction of filling it in with an inky check mark. Done. Next.

At work, the lists help me stay focused, so I don’t end up spending an entire day sifting through emails instead of meeting deadlines. At home, they keep me organized and motivated so I don’t end up aimlessly surfing the web all day on the back patio with a cup of coffee. Checklists can be an important part of staying organized and efficient. They help busy, working moms like me use time wisely so we can make the most of our day.

But there is a darker side of the checklist. There is a deeper, more personal reason I cling to them so dearly.

I’m addicted to accomplishments. Large and small. They make me feel productive. Useful. Worth something. Like patches carefully sewn on a sash slung across my chest and worn proudly to the next troop meeting. Never-Late-On-A-Payment badge? Yep, it’s right here beside Monthly-Budgeting-Badass. Obsessive-Compulsive-Cleaning-Habit? Got that one too. Still working on the Read-All-The-Books and Become-Independently-Wealthy badges.

It’s good to have goals, but my desire to constantly achieve makes me feel busy, tired, and lost in a sea of tasks with no shoreline in sight. Scheduling every minute of my day in order to squeeze it all in, setting unrealistic boundaries to feed my own sense of purpose and value - more accomplishment equals more worth. It’s a symptom of my perfectionism, and it can leave me feeling empty. Alone.

More focus on checklists means less focus on people and life. At work, this tunnel vision can create a false sense of security, as if a job done well is proved with a marked-up day planner. Leaders who live to check boxes lose sight of the other humans in the office and the importance of nurturing their teams' sense of purpose.

At home, rich moments flutter by without notice. Moments that could be shared with friends or with a little blonde toddler who just wants a hug. Relationships aren’t nurtured by keeping a clean house, eating healthy, getting perfect test scores, or building a business empire.

Purpose and busyness are not the same.

This is my new task: To invest myself in the right places in life. To take a step back from the check boxes once a day, set them aside, and indulge in the moments. I’m giving myself permission to live slowly, not be so rigid. To not always be doing. To leave the laundry in the wash while I meet friends for coffee. To let that email go unanswered tonight. To involve others in my tomorrow so it bursts with meaning and memories.

Remember that your worth is not measureable by what’s on your checklist.