Don't Let Self Care Become Self Absorbed

Practicing self care becomes dangerous when we allow it to make us self absorbed. We need safety for self care. Let’s help others find that too.

Things I don’t like doing on social media:

1 - Quoting myself.

It feels like I’m designing a t-shirt with a picture of my face on it and then wearing it to my first day of college classes.

2 - Failing to be sensitive to everyone’s emotional needs and the current cultural climates.

There is a LOT going on in the world, you guys. Much of it is real shitty, and it’s hard to keep up. But there are good people who are using their voice to do good things, forcing the villains to see their shit for what it is. I thank god for them and for the new paths our society is taking as a whole. But I am also still working to shift away from some of the systemic, negative habits that are coming to light in my own life. So sometimes I still say dumb, insensitive shit too. Please, don’t be afraid to correct me.

I believe it is imperative that we own a mistake when we slip up so we can continue to grow to be genuine and loving.

3 - Adding social media buzzwords to our vernacular without sitting with them thoughtfully first.

Example: SelfCare.

Look. I am 100 percent behind the self love and self care movement. I think it is important in so many ways. As long as the definition of self love involves tending to our own mental health; blowing up all mental health stigmas; smashing the patriarchy; refusing to allow historical definitions of beauty and social acceptability control our decisions and behaviors; putting an end to negative self-speak that stems from shame and forces us to disbelieve in our own power to burn bright no matter who we are or where we come from; and any activity that helps us, our communities and our cultures destroy racism, bigotry, and misogyny.

I am for ALL of that. But can we please also agree to acknowledge the incredible amount of safety that is needed before self care and self love are even an option?

It would be very hard to find a human on this planet who is seeking shelter for the night but is also wondering if the aggressive exchange they had with the bus driver that morning was triggering because of a traumatic experience they haven’t yet dealt with. That human is focused on survival, not #selfcare. Or even hashtags, for that matter.

If you had nothing more than a can of beans, a Cup’O’Noodles and a box of goldfish crackers in your kitchen right now, but you aren’t sure if you will find work for the next month, do you choose to spend your only $20 on food for the week, or do you get one of those ten-dollar, de-puffing face masks and an essential oil diffuser?

Again, I think self care, self awareness and self love are incredibly important, and everyone should practice them. My inention here is to point out the fact that those mental states are the luxury of the safe and priviledged. How beautiful would it be if part of our self care practices also included ways to provide others with the same feelings of safety and love?

I recognize the irony of the fact that I’m about to post this on social media, including Instagram, where I will likely create a shareable image of my own quote and hashtag it with buzzwords. But here’s why I’m doing it anyway-

In spite of the negatives, the internet has done so much good for the world. It has made information accessible to BILLIONS. It has made the world smaller so we can see each other and hear each other more clearly. It is a tool we can use to fight classism and to share truths that are hidden in nefarius cultures of all societies.

We cannot deny the incredible power of words and pictures. It is why books, movies and magazines have always been successful. We can choose to do so much good with them. We can create entire communities around them. We can build each other up with them.

And, I guess that’s why I make shareable quotes to post on the internet. Because I hope that my words will join the collective voices of change in this world. No matter how small it may be. I hope that through our self care, we can learn to better care for each other.

The truth about self care.