You can't share what you don't have

I've been struck by a truth. An eye-opening, stare-into-a-fireplace-and-think, kind of truth. 

It has shone a light into a place in my heart that had been hiding in the shadow of busy-ness and checkboxes, and it's been hiding there for a really, really long time. Why? because it's easier. It's safe and familiar. It keeps the heart and mind distracted from those things it most desires:

Joy. Connection. Gratitude. 

You can't share what you don't have. I can't remember if the words came from the leader of our Sunday gatherings or from one of the books I've been reading. But they stopped me, wrapped their arms around me and held me like a kind friend grabbing me out of a frantic state and whispering "Slow down. Breath. Look around you."

You can't share what you don't have. Spreading happiness and joy, encouraging people to live the lives we've been blessed with and bask in the beauty of every sweet-and-sour minute, has been my mission over the last year. And in the process, I became focused on the doing, and forgot to live the truth I was trying to share. 

My obsession with success and checked-off boxes has made me say "no" to reading my kids a bed-time story and "yes" to late nights with little sleep and lots of stress. Which leads to guilt, which leads to sadness. Which leads to very little joy.

My whole life has been this way. I have thrown myself into tasks, into check-boxes and stuff that looks like accomplishment but tastes more like loneliness. And I've figured out why.

Because Joy, Gratitude, and Connection? Those things are hard work. They take investment, time and Vulnerability. And it's that big V-word that is so hard to face. It's easier to clock out two hours late than it is to take the risk of asking a friend to dinner. It's easier to keep a house looking clean than it is to be grateful for the space between those four walls and choose to play in it. And it's way easier to say "I'm good at my job" than it is to say "I had a deep, emotional conversation today, and I feel stronger for it."

Joy. Connection. Gratitude. You cannot share what you do not have. We were given this beautiful life to experience all these things. And to share them with each other. The greatest testament we can make to our belief is to live a life filled with these three things.

Let's wrap our arms around them and carry them with us everywhere so we can share them with the world.